Thanksgiving just passed. And I’m thinking of all the blessings in my life. However, I usually find things that I am grateful for regularly. So let’s start with the basics. My family. My friends. Having wonderful people I care about in my life. My amazing husband. He works hard to make sure that we have a great life. My parents. They’re always there for me no matter what. My siblings. My fun, crazy, loving siblings. They make me laugh. Our family dog, Butterball!! So precious. Love how he will only want to sleep with us on our beds. My extended family - aunts, uncles, cousins. Boy they are so much fun! I’m happy that I have a job!! Yes, a job that is totally chill and gives me the income I need. I’m happy that I have a passion and goal in life. It’s what keeps me going. I’m grateful for all the people and resources in my path that have helped shape my skills into what it is now. Grateful that I’m already done with school. Boy am I glad that I don’t have to take tests like that anymore! Grateful for getting our new car!! We needed one badly months ago, so we put it out there, kept the faith, and ended up receiving a car that was better than expected! Loved the whole process of it! Grateful for all the wonderful trips I’ve taken and cultural experiences I’ve had. Next trip for me is France and I can’t wait!!! I am so thankful that I am aware and that I have control of myself and my emotions. That I know for sure that I can create my own reality. That is one thing that I’m super appreciative about. Also all the spiritual teachers and masters that have helped me understand life and make it the best. So grateful for all the wonderful insight and wisdom that I’ve come across in the past several years. Books, DVDs, websites…all mixing within this mind of mine and appreciating the common message of everything which comes down to love. Yes, love. It’s what matters. It’s the Truth. It’s the only reality and all we gotta do is decide to live in it and be a part of it. Because it’s who we are. It’s our source. Love. Joy. Abundance. Yep. I’m grateful for all these wonderful feelings, emotions, and experiences that this earthly life brings.

The only thing that really matters at the end of the day is your happiness. To feel good. Yeah everyone is striving to become something or to have something — to reach a specific goal or outcome in life. Yet, the reason why anyone wants these things is because they believe they’ll be satisfied and finally be happy. So why go through all the trouble and worry about striving for your desires when you can just be happy now? I’m not saying to not have goals and attain them. I’m just saying why do we have to sacrifice feeling good during the process. As the case for me and many others we tend to worry about when or how our desired manifestations will occur. But now that I know that happiness is really all that matters whenever I find myself with negative thoughts and/or emotions, I try to find a way to feel better now. Like the other day, I was all feeling sad about the fact that I haven’t reached a new level career-wise. Then I remembered that I have made huge strides and I just have to be patient with myself. And then I started to think of all the cool and awesome things that have happened already. Then I decided I’m just going to watch a funny TV show to get me in a better mood (I just discovered Raising Hope and it’s absolutely hilarious). And you know what ~ I felt a lot better. I was laughing. Happy. Yay!!! And then I realized the fact that I’m happy means that I reached my ultimate goal — of being happy. So what’s there to sweat or be unhappy about? Nothing. Things are good now. I mean if you’re in a bad situation I guess you have to find those little diamonds in the rough that can make your day. If it’s really bad (and trust me I’ve been there) sometimes just looking out your window and seeing the sun and blue sky can be that one good thing. And if it’s raining then maybe it’s the fact you have a roof over your head. But if you absolutely hate your life and want to end it, then maybe it’s the fact that hey at least you still have your mind and you have the free will to do whatever you please. And if you have that realization that you’re in control ultimately, then you can choose to be happy. Make peace with what is. When you do make that peace, nothing else really matters and things/people/situations can’t bother you anymore. You’re free. You’re happy. It’s your life. Live it the best way you can with whatever you have right now. Also making a list of what you’re grateful for is another way to help you see the light. In this world, there are opposites, light and dark, positive and negative. And because you have a wonderful mind you have the ability to choose which side to focus on. It’s all about focus and attention really. And when you make it a habit to focus on only the positive, you become that. You have created inner peace and your outer world simultaneously reflects that. Again, nothing can sway you otherwise.

I AM HAPPY TO BE HAPPY NOW!!!

A lot of my previous articles talked about love and heartache. Writing about them was a sort of way to release some emotion and it helped me understand the relationship and eventually heal. It took some time, yes, but it can be done. In fact I found ‘the one’/my twin flame. My husband. But before that let me share with you that I ultimately had to come to the decision that I wanted a lasting true romance where there was unconditional love and ditch the ‘whatever I can get’ mentality. I had to realize that I freakin’ was worthy and deserved those amazing relationships that only seemed but a myth. And then after that moment of clarity, I had to show what I wanted to myself. Yes, I had to learn how to love myself. See, before you could experience true love, you have to love yourself. Sounds simple but for many people including myself, it proved to be rather difficult. When you grow up not having not much of a self-esteem or had been abused in some form or another, loving yourself becomes a challenge. Hell, it doesn’t even factor in at all. I used to seek out love and really bend and twist for someone to love me. And when they liked me or “loved” me it became an obsession to keep that love, that feeling of ecstasy to flow towards me at all times. And when the partner stopped reciprocating or didn’t reciprocate in the way I wanted, then down depression road I went. In short, I became co-dependent. I needed that “love” like I needed crack. In retrospect, that wasn’t true love. Because true love consists of two whole people who overflow their own love to one another — not one siphoning affection from the other. Anyway, I read the Peter McWilliams book Love 101 to learn that the greatest love comes from you and only you. So I started doing things on my own and enjoying my own company. And the funny thing is when I finally liked doing those things, shortly after I met my husband, AND I had no intention of meeting any one that night I went out with one of my girlfriends. I guess what I’m trying to say is when you want that somebody special in your life, you can’t be desperately seeking it. You got to just be happy on your own and the universe just brings you together at the right time. Also, I had a lot of faith and I just knew that everything’s okay and I would meet him at the right time. Oh and what stood out between my husband from the rest was that my relationship with him was just easy. Caring and loving each other just came with great ease. I never was needing that love from him. It just flowed between us naturally. There is some wisdom to that old adage, “you know when you’ll know.” Trust me. There is great love for you (from you and from your soul mate)! Check out the video below b/c this I also used to get me to clarity about finding a true lasting relationship.

So I talked to my older sister recently. She was talking about wanting to change careers, possibly start her own business. Currently she is a registered nurse and makes very good money. However, it was never her dream to become a nurse. In fact it was our parent’s dream. My parents instilled in her the notion of pragmatism when it came to careers. “Be a nurse or be a doctor or something in the medical field because it is a sure route to making good money.” I think they said something along those lines. I for one ditched their belief and went on my own path… a creative path that has yet to see monetary rewards. Yet, I think I’m happier than her. She told me during our conversation that she didn’t really know her passion. I asked her did she still have some burning childhood desire/dream within her. She replied, “no.” Okay… “What gets you going right now and makes you excited,” I asked. No response. Wow was it really possible for someone to not have a dream?! I guess I’ve been in this entertainment town called Los Angeles far too long (b/c here everyone and I mean EVERYONE’s got a dream). After much probing, my sister did mention her fiance wanted to open up a Greek restaurant (the guy is Greek so it’s quite fitting). But then I thought isn’t that his dream? Anyway, she finally revealed that her dream is to be ridiculously rich and have a good life. Okay fair enough. And I told her: Your Dreams Are Worthy! So are everyone else’s dreams really. So going back to this idea of attaining the good life and her fiance wanting to open up a restaurant. I asked her do you know anything about running a restaurant??? Or a business? She’s a nurse so I know she can take good care of her clients . But seriously, if she wants to achieve her dreams she’s got to have a game plan. So that’s when I told her it’s time to take action. And I’m not saying to achieve that goal within a week. I’m talking baby steps. I told her to pick up or buy a book on running a business and/or running a restaurant. I felt she needed to start expanding her mind first because all she knows is nursing and also listening to mom and dad. See, to be a successful entrepreneur (or successful anything) you gotta have the guts, drive and resolve to go against the status quo to realize your dreams. You can dream but sooner or later you gotta take that action towards it. And again it doesn’t have to be all done by next week. One step at a time. Anyway, my sister thanked me profusely on giving her the idea to read a book on starting a business. Funny though, I would think that would be the first logical step someone would take in her position — research. And if after researching through books, magazines, or the internet you are still convinced that’s the path you should take then the I would recommend interviewing people who have made it successfully in that particular field. I have talked to many successful people in my field and it’s only inspired me and pushed me to become better at my craft and finish projects. So yeah talking to people in the field really helps motivate oneself. To find these people, you can attend seminars, panels, networking events, go though your career center at school, asking your own network for referrals, etc. The possibilities are endless. Really, if you’re serious and you put it out there and take action when the inspiration occurs, the universe will bring the right people and opportunities at you. No sweat. It’s up to you to grab them. Just remember: Your Dreams Are Worthy!!!

Tomorrow is my birthday.

…And I, finally, am turning 21.

Another date signifying that I have lived x amount of days and survived y amount of years. Its a wonderful feeling to look back and see the kind of life I’ve lived.  Each person I’ve encountered, all the things I’ve done, and everything that I’ve ever felt, saw, or said is a pretty accurate summation of my current state of being.

After all, birthdays are just reminders of how far you’ve come…and also how completely clueless about life you still are. The whole, “you’re another year wiser” saying may or may not be applicable for everyone. In all honesty, tomorrow I will wake up feeling exactly the same as I did the day before: tired yet hopeful (Tired mostly due to me getting my ass kicked at the gym. Hopeful because I hope and pray that my body will recover). But when does the wisdom part kick in? The part where you know now not to make the same mistakes or have a clearer vision of your future than before– when does that happen? Is it somewhere between the many birthday shots or the morning after with the ever present hangover? No, I am assuming that the wisdom and the answers to all of life’s questions will come later–MANY birthdays later. Because right now, I am turning 21 and the only answers I can provide are to pop culture trivia and who is Blair Waldorf’s favorite actress (Audrey Hepburn, by the way). But I’ve also wised up to a few things: sleep when you can, exercise is good, if you wear leggings make sure the shirt you are wearing appropriately covers your butt, and never take yourself too seriously.

So for now, I’ll leave the answers to the wiser, slightly older folks. I’m sure they will be more than happy to tell you what and what not to do. And as for me, well, I may not have all of life’s answers, but I have all the ones I need right now. So tomorrow, I will continue to enjoy my life and all of its blessings. But most importantly, I will definitely enjoy my 21st birthday and hope a little wisdom comes my way. Cheers.

Faith. It’s a seemingly heated topic these days. Or perhaps it was always that way. So what is faith? The two definitions I want to work with here are 1: confidence or trust in a person or thing AND 2:belief that is not based on proof. I can honestly admit that I have always struggled with faith. On a personal level, I have been doubtful of my abilities in the past and I sure as hell have suffered from low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. On an interpersonal level, I have distrusted even my closest allies, loved ones, and family members. When it came to boyfriends, I had some huge jealousy and trust issues which in essence, came from my almost non-existent self-esteem at the time. And on a more macro level, I definitely doubted the ability of God/the Universe to come through on my prayers and requests. Even worse, I had come to the point of not believing in humankind any longer; that this world has come to its point of no return and on its way down the shitter. But that my friends, was the PAST. I can honestly believe and say that I have a renewed sense of faith. A faith in which even when it’s seemingly dark or things are down, I don’t completely fall apart like I used to.

So how did I get to this point when I had hit rock bottom on the faith scale? Well, it wasn’t easy. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t impossible. In 2005-2006, I was at my darkest and lowest point. My secret best friend was Jack D. I had an affinity for the sweet powder sugar that stained my pillows scarlet, and I popped cutting edge pharmaceuticals that were supposed to help me like they were Altoids. However, around the same time, I was introduced to the woman that probably saved my life. She was my therapist. And that was the start of finally coming clean and rebuilding my faith once again (Note: I say ‘rebuilding’ because I used to have faith and a lot of it when I was younger. A series of events in childhood and my adolescence finally culminated to the dark point where I was at). Anyway, my dear therapist introduced me to some insightful self-help and spiritual material and really instated within me the idea of rose-colored glasses, or optimism. To be honest, every time she talked about seeing the glass half-full or seeing the world through rose-colored lenses, I scoffed at her. I mean, I could’ve sworn that her glasses were actually tinted a rose color. So how was I to possibly see the same way as her? It seemed like a long shot. But I wasn’t forced to go see her. I went on my own accord. I willingly went. Because at the end of the day, I knew somewhere deep down inside of me, I wanted to get better. I wanted to see the world a better place. I didn’t know how it was going to happen but I knew what I wanted. I mean I must have wanted to get better even with all the thoughts and threats of suicide, or I wouldn’t be here writing this right now. And it’s that thing that burned inside of me that kept me have just an ounce of faith. An ounce that would eventually turn into a river. And yes, that river is flowing.

I am at the point right now where I do have lots of faith. Yes, I still have worries and anxieties pop up from time to time. But through practice and patience, I have learned the art of letting go. Lots of people want to be able to know how things are going to work out and inadvertently inundate themselves with fear or worry. That I have learned is what breaks down the faith. What happens is that people don’t believe in themselves that they can do something or worse need proof that it’s on its way. How faith and manifesting works is that it really is a catch-22. You can’t have it until you let go. And maybe people have a difficulty in grasping what that really means (I sure did…or do). It doesn’t mean that if you let go, you don’t want it anymore or it’s of no importance. Quite the opposite. It just means that you don’t worry or fear anymore…you let go of all negative thoughts and feelings associated with it. Just let go and let the river flow.

And there is a beauty to all of this. I have witnessed that when your faith is unwavering and at an upmost high (you have already let go), the proof comes flowing right to you with little or no effort at all. This proof or sign reinforces your belief/faith little by little. The more you acknowledge even the littlest of signs, the bigger ones come crashing at your door…until one day, BAM! You finally get what you’re praying for. And that my friend is your miracle.

Be Strong. Have Faith.

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My good girlfriend just introduced me to this Buddhist chant. I have done Hindu chants/mantras, so I already know the science and philosophy behind them. And yeah they do work. It’s all about the sound as sound is the fundamental thing in the universe. It permeates your being, your chakras, subconscious, and essence and transforms your life. She gave an example on how this chant has helped her numerous times. When she first moved out to Los Angeles, she moved in with her boyfriend. That didn’t work out so she needed to live elsewhere. Well thru chanting, she eventually got a good place with another girl (which actually is my friend from college). Then her job came next, and her current employer, Honda, found her…so she didn’t even need to apply to them. And now she has a great new car when before she had to ride the bus for hours to get around. Really it’s an inspiring story.

I believe everything happens for a reason and the fact that she gave this to me especially at this point in my life where I’m seeking change is quite significant. And I found this chant on youtube with Tina Turner doing it. And boy was I blown away. I felt tingling on my body. Then when I finally did it myself, I felt its power. There’s definitely a divine energy within those sounds. Here’s a nice video chant of NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO.

Have you ever heard of the saying that we are all the same? That the essential part of me is the essential part of you? Yes, I agree that we are made of stars. But go down even deeper and some may say that we are all interconnected. We are ONE soul. Now do I believe this? Yes. In fact, you could think of it as one soul or mind having different interpretations. Thus, you have your own life that you see with your “eyes” as I have the same. We are one.

However, life for the most part (at least in the capitalistic society I live in) seems so fragmented and that people are busy being divided and living individualistically rather than as part of a whole. Unfortunately, these types of attitudes get people and societies in trouble as they argue and in the end battle each other for their elusive gold (and kill each other and destroy the Earth while at it). The reason why people act in such ways that ultimately divide is because the ego-self is in control. Now what is the ego-self or ego, you may ask? It is the part of us that constantly thinks and constantly needs reaffirming of its own existence. It is the part that says “I” and creates the illusion of your identity and your individualism. Thus, its very nature is to always create divisions, labels and non-unity (which leads to all sorts of problems for humankind).

Yet it seems to be a pipe dream for everyone to let go of their ego and start working as a whole for the betterment of humankind. Well not entirely. You see, if everyone is really the same thing and is just one thing, then dissolving your own ego would be suffice for the betterment of all. There’s a beautiful and true adage that says: as above, so below. This means that everything is a microcosm or macrocosm of something. Or another way to put it is that you can put forth change in the universe by changing your own universe (your own mind). A lot of people (including myself) have believed that the universe is of effect, meaning that what happened, happened and you are just a product of all things forth and had nothing to do with it (a very victim mentality). Well, I have learned that you have everything to do with it. In fact, you created everything that’s happening to you and that will always happen to you. It is a causal place so that whatever you do has an effect–simply cause and effect. So once you change how you see the world, then everything else changes with it–sort of like a ripple effect.

Now how do you change how you see the world? Well, I really like how Eckart Tolle explains in his book, A New Earth. He basically says that in order to dissolve the ego, you first need to become aware of your thoughts and emotions. The reason for this is that you typically identify yourself with your thoughts and emotions (I am hungry. I am happy. I am sad). But that is false. You are not your emotions or any of your thoughts. You are divine presence. And when you become aware of yourself thinking these thoughts, then they are no longer identified with you because you are outside of them. Then you realize you are much more and much deeper than what you formerly thought you were. You are timeless, divine being.

A step further, you come to the realization that not only is your individual self/body an illusion but everyone else is too. I mean isn’t there only ONE? How can there be a bunch of “individual” persons or souls out there? Well, folks, that’s the GRAND ILLUSION or maya. So whatever you do or say to another is really toward or about yourself; thus, unconditional love is crucial. Once you come to this awareness, then you are able to break free and advance spiritually to become enlightened. It’s not going to be an easy road. Trust me, I am consistently practicing and sometimes (or a lot of the times) the ego finds ways to creep back in and messes you up. But I keep trying and everyday I learn and am more aware and grow as a result. I know achieving true peace of mind is eternal and just plain worth it