Jealousy. Now the word doesn’t exactly have the most positive connotations, but it can, if harnessed properly.
After graduating from college I went in search of jobs, even though I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do. Summer passed and my energies were scattered, still not sure where I was going or what was going to make me happy. A good friend of mine however, a year younger and still in school had an amazing internship lined up in the field of work that I love, broadcast journalism. She was going to work for a major news network covering local and world news. My question (or rather fear), was how had she managed to come so far but not me?
We had a lot in common this friend and I, and I value her dearly, but at the time I was so jealous of her. She was younger and already had her feet firmly planted in the ground. She was off to a great start in a field that I am equally passionate about. I certainly felt left behind, and had that “not good enough” feeling brewing inside of me.
As these feelings continued to simmer inside, and my attitude towards her began to take on a ’not-so-nice’ vibe owing to this jealousy I felt, I decided to write about my feelings as a way of venting. As I frantically scribbled them in my journal so as not to forget anything, I suddenly realized… I wasn’t really jealous of HER per se, but rather, I was jealous of the fact that she had found her passion in life and pursued it relentlessly. I knew the same career and line of work was also my passion, but I had not harnessed it as well as she had. As a result I felt inferior to her, and that’s what jealousy comes down to, it reflects a feeling of inferiority within ourselves.
Everything my friend did had the flair and intention of a journalist and now she had the professional experience to back it up. Where was my passion and why was I not calling it into existence? When I realized this, it was time to stop being angry at her and start taking responsibility for myself.
The jealousy I felt made me angry at my friend, but what had she done to me? Nothing. I realized then and there that part of living a full life is to take responsibility for your life. Taking responsibilty didn’t mean ”beating her up” for knowing and succeeding in her passion, and it didn’t mean “beating myself up” for not having found and pursued my passion earlier.
So what did it mean? Taking resposibilty means embracing this feeling of jealousy and allowing it to guide you towards that which fulfills you, so you feel whole and complete. I’ve learnt that jealousy is never directly about the other person per se, but rather what they have. And I don’t mean a car, job, house et., I mean a feeling, a state of being, that you wish you had too..whether it’s a feeling of being content, worthy, satisfied, fulfilled, loved or loving.
Jealousy helps to tells us what’s lacking in our own lives, what we’re unable to give to ourselves, but wish we could.
So next time the green monster pops up, use it to recognize what the other person is creating for themselves, that you wish you could create for yourself too. Once you start figuring that out, you can start identifying the blocks and working on dissolving them. And of course, don’t forget to thank the green monster along the way.
And did I mention, thanks to my green monster, I’m doing what I love now, I’ve found my passion and I know why I’m here. We all can 
